I’m really exhausted right now, but I wanted to get down how I’m feeling. Today I flew to DC from KY for Peace Corps staging. I was really tired this am, because I cried for several hours last night. I’m excited to be joining the PC, but I’m sad about leaving everyone behind! It seems like all I’ve done for the past several weeks is tell everyone I know goodbye!!
I started crying again this morning when I had to tell Daisy, Rhonda, Tony, and Casey goodbye before I left for the airport. Then I cried in the car on the way to the airport, then I cried at the airport when I had to say goodbye to Marea, and I cried a little on the plane to DC. I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster all day long!!
I did well at the airport getting to where I needed to go. I was really afraid that I would go to the wrong location, because I haven’t flown since I was 12. However, I made it ok. I was also really worried about my luggage be overweight, or too many inches. However, my luggage passed! The plane I flew on was very small, and I was in the very last seat at the back of the plane. I didn’t have anyone sitting next to me, so I enjoyed my privacy. I was also able to look out the window, which was cool.
When I arrived in DC, I had to walk what seemed like forever, to find the baggage claim area. Some guy that works at the airport saw me trying to handle all my bags, and came over to assist me with a cart. He pushed my luggage outside and got a cab for me. Then, he helped me load the luggage in the cab. He then proceeded to tell me that he worked for tips, and would like a tip. So, I gave him $2.00, because all I had was a $10, $100, and then $2. He didn’t seem pleased with this, and gave me a mean look. O-well, I’m not sure how much he expected me to give him. The taxi ride was interesting, for one, I’ve only been in a taxi one other time in Bowling Green…but, also because I got to see the Washington Monument and the Lincoln Memorial….I’ve never been to DC before. The taxi ride and the sites were actually good for me, because it got my mind on other things and I wasn’t so emotional when I arrived at the hotel. Actually, the sites brought back my PC excitement!
When I arrived at the hotel, I like to have never got all my luggage to the counter, and had sweat pouring off of me! I met some other volunteers in the lobby. I arrived at 12:30 or so, and I was able to check into my room and change into dress clothes that were required for the meeting, since I didn’t have to be at registration until 1:30. My roommate wasn’t in the room yet, so I took the bed by the window. I then washed up and changed into dress clothes. I then called Daddy and Joyce and let them know I made it, and I also called Marea.
I then when to the registration, and stood in line waiting to register. I was able to meet more volunteers. I managed to have brought and filled out all the correct paperwork, and then when into a large conference room for an ice breaker activity with the other volunteers. The training started at 3 and lasted until about 8pm. During break, I walked to Starbucks with a few volunteers and had a coffee. We had several activities during the training, and I had to stand up and talk during one of the activities, which I absolutely hated!! One of my worst fears is public speaking!! The activity involved introducing a fellow volunteer to the rest of the group and telling a little about her (that I learned during a mini one on one with her). She ended up being my motel roommate, which was cool!! Her name is Kathryn, and she seems really nice!! None of the other PCV seemed emotional at all in the training, and I felt like to big baby. I fought really hard to hold back tears and succeeded I might add!!
During the training, I had a battle going on in my head about how I felt out of place and under qualified and unknowledgeable compared to the other PCV’s. I also felt like I wasn’t as strong, because none of them seemed emotional at all, compared to me. So, I thought, maybe I should just go home. However, that would be admitting failure and defeat, and I couldn’t do that to all the people who had supported me getting into the PC and to staging!! However, I pulled some inner strength from somewhere, and was able to pull it together and make it through the training and stay. I figure, if I quite now, I’ll always beat myself up for not trying harder and not at least getting to SA and seeing how things go. So, instead of thinking about the fact that I’m going to be gone for 27 months, I’ll just take it day by day…If I can manage to get through each day…and not think about the longer term, it will be much easier…at least I hope anyway.
Most all of the other volunteers went out to eat, but I stayed in the room and took a shower and hooked up my computer to check my email…I just really didn’t feel like being sociable. I feel like I really pushed my boundaries today with goodbyes, the plane ride, the taxi ride, training, etc. and I just wanted to get back to the room for some alone time. My stomach was too messed up from emotions to eat anyway. So, I just ended up eating a protein bar and drinking a green tea in the room.
I got a really emotional email from Rhonda, which started me into crying again!! I replied to her and several other emails. I then called Marea again. My roommate came back to the room, and I ended up learning she had an emotional day also saying goodbyes. So, I guess I’m not alone.
Well, I guess that’s all for now, I’m tired and getting ready to go to bed.
Filed under: Peace Corps Staging | Tagged: Peace Corps, Staging
